I am in love!!!!!!!!!!

OH GOD!!! IT'S BEEN A LONG TIMEEEEE THAT I HADN'T BEEN EXPERIENCING SUCH A FEELING!!!!!

"WHAT A FEELING.... WHAT A FEELING... YEA YEA YEA HAHAHAHAH"

This happened just now!! TODAY!!!...

I was a bit confused by going to NEWMAN to play some music or NOT!!! However, as the same thing, I WENT!!!! with a mind fulled "whatever it happens it will happen" and hahahaha I went to northgate. I didn't know what happen to me, but I was kinda lazy to go... however, there was something else in myself said... "just go" hahaha alrite so I went. Barnes and Nobles as usual being my very good companion, with a little friend of SOY MOCHA!! (WHich was VERY NICE).

I'd planned to answer my review or do my bio's homework, but weeewww... my bio's homework seemed too hard, and I didn't have my book with me, so I tried to answer Psych's review instead... It went ok, not excellent but not too bad... then, this guy was coming. He is someone I knew at the bus, we took the same bus and he is from Indonesia.. we talked alot on the phone. He asked me ANYTHING!! HAUHAUHAUAHUAHUA and believe me, it was somehow annoying!!!, actually mostly he would ask me about Indonesian movie, psychology, and his "problem". However, when he asked, he wouldn't stop!! he would ask more,, more,, More, MOre, MORE, and MOOOREEEEE!!!!! hauahua I was just feeling exhausted.

Nevertheless, today!!! it was somehow DIFFERENT!!!

He brought up a new topic!! the topic that I am EXCITED to discuss...

it's about Catholic...he's not Catholic, he's Christian though... He asked about Catholic... much about it, with his usual style... (question that goes to another question ahahhaha) But I WAS HAPPY to ANSWER!!!! Not just because I could clarify somethings!! But also HE WANTED TO LISTEN!!! OH GOD IT FELT SOOOO GOOOOD!!! :D

I am saying this, because, I was in the same situation where my BEST FRIEND was asking me about the same topic, but I was just feeling that she was hearing but not LISTENing,, she just couldn't open her mind, I am not blaming her by doing that, it was something that she's been taught since a little girl, thus she might have a hard time to be more open, and try to understand, my "complicated" explanation about this matter. (you know what I am talking about rite?? the sensitive part/crucial part about Christian and Catholic... ~~how sad...)

Alrity... we were chatting all nite, at that cozy little corner at Barnes and Nobles. He was not annoying at all!!! he was lovely!! hauhauahuahua, then... he said..."wow, it's exciting to hear more about Catholic..." ooooh that's so lovely...

I don't need him to be Catholic, I was glad enough since he was able to understand the way we do, and open his mind to whatever information that I delivered. It might be contradicted, but I was also trying to explain why it is contradicting, or why there is such a thing... :D

After that... I couldn't stop smiling!! and thinking... "uhu... God, I know what are you doing, you set me up to be at that place with that friend huh?? hahahahhaa"

SO... tHANK you MY FRIEND!!!! Thank you to be such an excellent listener.. he was just making my nite become soooooo wonderful!!!

THen, I arrived at Newman center... I thought I might be late, yet, they were setting up and waiting for other members to come and join. Then I met our lovely violist (am I spelling it right?? hahaha) I told her about my CONVERSATION.... about what happened, and about my feeling (she was asking about how am I doing) She said.... she was happ for me!!!! and she could understand about my feeling, we are just glad when we could be understood by our Christian's brothers and sisters... as we are brothers and sisters in Christ... We repect you guys!! and we never never wanted to try to make you be a Catholic, we just want you... to understand us, and try to accept us the way we are...

Then.. all the crazyness happened!! hahahaha, the practice was began by my prayer (the first time ever!!! in English!! hauhauahua), and I played the DJEMBE AGAIN!!!! HAUAHUAHUHUAA Love it love it love it... MY new baby!!!!!

and there were a completed sundays at 7 musician!!!!! YEYY!!!!!! there were saxophone, flute, violin, trombone, guitar, bass, piano, drum, and DJEMBE!!! hauahuahuahua it felt sooooo nice....

we heard a lot of applause!! hahahaha (rarely to hear at practice, we just cheered each other!!) we also were very pleased to have a new pianist!!! hahahaha and he nailed it...

well well well, the story isn't ended yet...

When we did a closing prayer, I was just sooooo overwhelmed!! Filled by too much energy!!! then I started singing...

"I am so exciting.... I am so exciting... I lvoe the Lord...I love the Loooord" this was a song that we learnt from the music ministry retreat.. taught by total expression choir... (Awesome gospel choir... believe me!!!)

then, everybody was just joining me!!! hahahahahahahahhaha!!!! it feeelllllt soooooo greaaaaaaaaaaat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am sooooooooooo full of joy!!!! right now... truly... this is the feeling when I am feeling so comfortable about myself!! the feeling when I could express my feeling!! all out!!! Because, staying here without a family, make me feel a bit lonely, because I have no one Whom I could express my self to. so that was sooo awesome!!

I just can't tell anything anymore!!!

I am just feeling so blessed!!!!!!!!! sooooooooo much!!!!!!! God is goood....

"whenever you are not thinking about yourself, God is going to think about your self...."

ooooooooooooooooooo
I am sooooo in loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

I love you... sundays at SEVEN!!!!

I want to tell a lot of things

Hey hooooo... it's been ages since I wrote my last blog. hahahaha

Alrighty.. today is the sixth day of October and there were so many things have happened!!!

Soo... the first thing that I want to tell, I proudly announced that I am officially entering the fall quarter (which is my fifth quarter in Shoreline Community college)..

Classes werre amazingly busy! haahhaahhaahha but incredibly fun!

I have Biology class, from 7:30 AM! to 8:30, and we will have lab for approzimately 2 hours. However, the teacher is fun, the class is fun, but the homeworks are weeeeeeew hauhauahua (not a word to be fitted)

Then I have my speech communication studies. IT IS A SUPER AWESOME CLASS!!! it's like a playing class which is soooooooo fun, the teacher is awesome for he makes the class become like a "family".
After that, I should have a break one hour before having my last class which is Pyshcology reasearch. However, after hearing about two new indonesian students joined the CHORALE, I definitely felt absurdly nervous hahahaha. Therefore, I took my break time to see they practiced and that was the key for my heart to say yes and also took the class!! without thinking any further!!! hahahaha This might be categorized as following "passion or heart" OR!! "desire-what I want" huaaaaaaaa no idea...


Well, about this case - "following" whatever it might be called - On last Thursday it happened again!!

I had planned not to play at newman for last sunday (this is a story about last thursday). So, I ended school and went home, was trying to do a lot of School works and of course learning Toefl. However, after connecting to internet, emails were coming and they were all about practicing on taht day. it said that the time was earlier and also there would be peter (trombone/violin) and had no drum nor piano player. Also, I saw that there were lack of singers, so 2 hours (approximately) before practicing I changed clothes QUICKLY and ran to bus stop.. hahahaha flying to newman. And... yaaa... I was welcomed and ended up to be a Djembe player!! hauahuahua it's one of percussions instrument from africa. it was because there was no drummer show up. I tried it and they said it was not bad.. And yes.. drummer came finally. I still played though. It was awesome.. another excellent feeling.. hahahaha

Then, sunday was arrived. I came quiet early and met our leader for that day, Amy. She told me that "chen, you'll be the star of tonight because ricky was sick"... ng.... ok... (with unbeliveble expression)

And ya... I played djembe as the solo percussion for that night. Weeeew... I was experiencing weird feeling while playing that hahaha.. but no pressure for sure haha.

And mr. sound check (andy) told me that I played it just right!! hauahuahauhauahuahua



Thank you thank you...

so probably... I revealed one of my undiscovered talent eh? hahahahahah



Thank you for alll!!!!

love you...

especially YOU!!!

I am feeling vulnerable

It has been a year since I stepped my feet on Seattle for the first time. My feeling is overwhelmed.
One year has been filled by so much wonderful things!!!!
I felt when I first came that this is my place. This place is belonged to me. I love my hostfamily, friends in church for both Indonesian and native community. I have friends and people who could be crazy with.
Nevertheless, there is a time that I miss my friends or people who I knew at Indonesia. I know that I had spent 18 years with them so it is not mistaken if they knew me well.
There are 4 people who knew me very well.
They are people who I can express my self genuinely (for some parts)
My father is the first person who knows me ver very well... he just knows what I neeed... Just a simple hug is something that I needed sometimes. He provided that even though I didn't tell anything.
My mother is the second person who also knows me hahahaha.. of course..
she knows what I like or what I don't. What is good for me or not. Both are perfect parents for me.
The third person is Retty. Even though we are mostly 20 years apart; however, she and me were just like best friend!!!!! I can share anything with her. My crazy thoughts, craazy feelings, or share about guys!!!! ahahahahahah... and she was my friend to hang out with.
Lastly, Maneng, my mother's aunty. Even though she and me hadn't had a deep conversation about life or some stuff like that, but she was an excelent nanny for me. She picked me up from school or piano course or ballet course or anything else for many many years!!!! She was also knew what I like or not...
wuaaaaaaaaaa
I miss them sooooo much....
soooooooo mucccccch
today is one of the days that I am being sooooo sesitive and vulnerable...

hehehehehhehe
you know lah... this is a confession of a student who goes abroad...

All in all... I am still glad that I am here
because....
that's the way I grow...

Thank you Lord...
thank you....

we acted like a tourist and also like a model... baby...

LOL....it happens when you don't have where-else to go... so you end up with korean food for lunch, bubble tea for desert, and seattle downtown as the place for photo shoot... hauhauhaua

it happens today, for the very fresh men from summer quarter... they are my english class buddies and came from Indonesia also...

Then... we acted like tourist..

And also like a model

sssshhhhhhh..... I was pretty embarrased hahahahah, taking those model wanna be poses in the middle of the crowded... hahaha

However... I had a wonderful time...... YAY!!!

So here it is... the day filled completely with nothing but crazyness and wildness (not really but kinda... hahahaha, save money though, under $10, happy and satisfy!! YAY!! hauahuhauahuahauhauhauahua

summer love ??

Summer break!!! 5 weeks!!!
I haven't told you anything!!! well...
just a quick summary.
I have a new guy is coming in my mind right now. I don't know if is it a good sign or another bad signal. As I am created as just the cupid or a friend for guys but not for the intimate relation ship huaaaaaaa... what a word...
Anyway... it's kind of great moment and not.. hem.. because as my former experiences, guys will take over my mind most completely so it is nice to have during holiday. However, it still sucks to have this particular thing. Why I have to face the bittersweet feeling without nobody really care. I mean, when I was in my hometown, I have a lot of friends who are able to hear my crazyness during this period, but in here... well... nobody who has won the prize to be my trusted trusted very trusted person.. hahauahuahuahua...
so be ready.. when cupid is falling in love... or about to fall in love.. ahhahahaha

it's a bittersweet day

Hulaaa
it's another brand new month!!! huaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
and it means just one more week to get rid of School!!!!! well kinda say YAY or YAaaaaaaaaa
Because.. I am both excited and also worried. I am not confidence with my grades. Also, there is just a little time to make it better! hemmmm

Imagine!! I skipped 2 classes AGAIN this morning. Because I haven't finished my paper plus!! I was left by the bus driver!! hoiiiiiks!!!
hem.....
I just want to close my eyes for this quarter! too scary!! huaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

However, I do want this quarter is over. Due to 5 weeks break comes up and... also.. times will past, so it's nearer to go home in December!! YAY!!!!
hahahahahhahaha

but.. yeah.. wish me luck for my grades! hiks

I have another extraordinary day ahaha

Alrite, today was began with a weird scenario.
I slept at 8 o'clock last nite!! hahahahahhahaha so guess what??!
I woke up at 4 o'clock in the morning!! well, the bright side of the dramatic beginning was I could do my homeworks!! as I couldn't do it on the previous day! hahahaa for the psychological reason hahahaha
Anyway, I did "some" of my home works and was a bit worried with the midterm that I had to face on that day.
Instead of studying or continuing do my homeworks I slept!! ahhahahahahaha
Eits... with this thought, "whatever it comes, it does... I don't understand the material really good, and still need more time to adapt; however there is no more time, and aaaaaarrgh don't care"
Then, I went to the lovely, sweety, smoochie school!!!! and skipped one class and then got to do the test!!! hauhauahuahuahuahuahua
pretty crazy,, but I dunno why, I am feeling confident or in other word, feels that my energy is coming back.
That brought me to get done all my stuff, well not literally all, but yeah... the big part is done! cihuuuiii..
I have aplied two volunteering works and get done with T-mobile stuff, the theme of the retreat getting brighter, and also... a bit of my essay... yey

I decided to go to Pannera to celebrate the energy that I got, and I got a special Hot Chocolate with Caramel.... made by the manager!! ahhaha




Well.. it was awesome!! but then... it forced me to go to the restroom over and over again!!! hahahahahahhahahahahahaha

Well.. today, it's another rainy day in summer time...
Seattle... seattle... seattle...
Anyway, I loved it.... the cloud was gray, windy, and cold hahahahaha... it's just like outside is fulled by air conditioner hahahaha...

Anyway.. that's all for today!!!
mwaaaaaaaaaaah!!!

it's totally recharge...

HUa.. I woke up this morning with a huge concern about money!! hahahaha... well.. I need to ask my mom once again to send me money. And it seems that I have used over budget..
I was totally nervous and felt not really well. Feeling between regret and guilty. However, I decided to make a note about all the money that I've spent. Well... it's actually not bad, but still... feeling not really well...
Hem.. I have to be more discipline!... and stop make any excuse...
huaaa... I hope what I wrote, I do it !! I mean it!! hemmmmmmmmmmm

Anyway... I am a little worried about all the subjects that I took this summer... Sumpaah (swear!!!) I am a little bit slow... and it's in a rush hour! so I must catch up alot of things!! huaa... extra work!! and 3 more weeks (or 2 more weeks) I've done with the summer quarter! It means, I have to set up the volunteering plan as soon as possible, don't forget to mention tutoring! huaa.. that's the only hope that I have to get the social security. Also, I have to make enroll for the TOEFL test! huaaaaaa....

Lots lots lots of things to do!!!
Rush Hour!!!
DISCIPLINE!!!!!
Mwaaaah!!

I wanna scream OUT LOUD!!

I woke up late and realized that my grades were not in good shape..!!!
I have to work supeeeeeeeeeeeer extraaaaaaaaaaa hard to have a better grade.. especially for Pyshcology!! I need to get above 3.5!!
My math also.. still in the 2.0!!! Oh my oh my!!!!

What a scary result!!!!!

english... has seemed the greatest fit on me... as I liked to read the literature, like to see beyond it says, but I just get average grade!! Honestly NOT GOOD ENOUGH!!!! My inside class has been the good grade of me while I am studying in Shoreline Community College, but this time it was reversed!! urrrgh... my out-class essay seemed better than the in-class essay!! However, it was also not good enough! just get all the good, not the superior, not even ONE!!! huaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!
wanna screaaaaam out loud!!!!!!!!!!!!

I really want to dance hula right now and act like a crazy in front of mirror!!! hahahahahah
I am stressed out! THat'S for sure!!! huaaa
I really want to play the piano with the sundays @ 7 crew!!
I really want to sing with the 9PM crew!!
I really want to jam with KARA VEGE!!!
I really want to eat nasi and Kentucky fried chicken with a hoooot sauce!!! hohohohohohohohoho

And I don't wanna sleep!!
I wanna be inspired!!! I want my brain is fulled by inspiration so that I can do my writing assignment! make some journals and finish that bonus problem!!! uuuurrrggghhH!! Why it feels sooooo difficult!!! huaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

wanna scream outloud!!!!

the magic still there

Wuaaaaaah...one thing that I want to do now is THanking GOD!! weeeew... I had soooooo much magic today!!

First of all, I was frustrated about Homeworks that Undone, TESTS, and other crazy things that still hard for me to handle. Nevertheless, by the sparkling magic from the almighty, July 21st is fulled by smiling face.... hohohohohohoho

How come I can't smile all the time.. (well.. not really "All the time", after the "chaos" hohohoho)

I started my day with a decision to do the Homeworks, which were due today, tomorrow... as I didn't have a big capacity of brain to do it all, Bio-psych had already fulled my brain. Then, I did my test with all my heart. I didn't know how well I did, as the first test I just got 2.7!!!, afterward, I walked very slowly to the math class. For sure, I didn't want to be there.. as I hadn't done the homeworks and got to do the quiz afterward. Oooooouuuuugh!!!

But.... eitss... wait a minute...

One of my lovely Korean friends lend me her Homeworks!! hahahahaha... it was 7 minutes before class.. I said I hadn't had time for doing it, but she insisted by saying "still 7 minutes!! you can do it" hohohohohoho

Eh... 7 minutes became longer!! as the teacher still had a lecture before class, quiz would be held in the 30 minutes before the class ended. Yay!! I was able to do most of all the homeworks!!! hahahahaa

Kansahamida Onni!!! mwaaaah

After that, we all got to do the quiz. Well... I hope I did it well.

Then, I did the rest of Math homework afterclass...
cihuuuy... while doing math class, I was having a will to eat Kentucky Fried Chicken!! hohohoho, but I was thinking to save more money so I switched to Meetball, as today the weather was pretty cold...

When I got home, my lovely host mother told me to have KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN FOR LUNCH!!!!!!

Oh my Oh my!!! hahhaahahhaha... very Happy lah.. hahahahaha

The magic hasn't ended...I saw the accumulative GPA for bio-psych class!! and from2.7 to 3.3!!! ladies and gentlemen... it means... I still have to do some works!! but hey... above 3.0 already!! cihuyyyyy!!! hahahahahaha

Thanks for the starbucks yesterday!! haha

However... I almost broke my promise.. but phew... I was reminded..( I couldn't tell what promise..)

Next, I wanted to confess that I was addicted to youtube... hemm...

if once I watched it, I could get rid of it... beuuuh!! what a bad habbit... grrrrrr there were soooo much goood videos!!!! jazz!! accapella, stupid movies!!! until Indo movies that I missed!!! hahahahhahahaha

but.. anyway,, nobody perfect.. and I just needed to tighten my self up...

Before I finish typing, I wanted to tell you about a movie that I just saw this afternoon. Title, "chupsuey" a Filipino movie. It tells about Chi-noy (Chinese Filipino) who have traditions and rules that are interpreted differently by 4 siblings! It touched me anyway.. The oldest was despretely locked himself in his own room, as her bride left him for a pinoy guy. Then, the second is a lesbian, the third is a housewife which doesn't have enough chance to do what she really wants to do, her own life is certainly lead by her husband. The fourth is in love with pinoy guy and sick for being Chinese... all the conflicts were at the climax when the oldest finally unlock his room. The first scene that made me crying was when he asks his third sister what she really wants to do, she says everything that she really wants to do, crying... and making the bed. After that, he just says a simple thank you, her sister is stopped and say to him, it is the first time that she hears a thank you since she serve the family, she feels sooooo gooood...

In the end, when he heard not just him that has a problem, he finally goes out from his room and has breakfast with his sisters!! huaaaa.... what a nice scene...

The things that I got, sometimes, we want to abandone our problems and let it goes away, but it will not go anywhere if you still stand still.... hahahahahahaha...it was what I consider doing if I face problem... avoidance... but after I got so much magic... I need to more rely on what I have believed, my faith...

THAnK YOU

hem...

that's all for today now...

it's 1.25 in the morning.. haha I just woke up at 11pm tonight... huhauahuahuahuahauhauhaua

I don't know when will I get back to sleep.

mwaaaaaaaaah

and yesterday...

well... I felt the magic once again; however, it isin a very strange way. I was not feeling butterflies stumbling in my stomach as I usually had. Still, I was smiling in the end.

So... the story began on Sunday, July 20th 2008. I was going to the Total experience Gospel Choir colaborating with Sundays at 7 PM choir from UW newman center.. wew.. what a long explanation. hohoho..

Anyway.. I was dare to go even I was having a bunch of homeworks. well.. as usual, my putting things off modes on.. hohohoho

At first, I went to northgate to transfer to the bus which was going to UW.. while I was waiting, I could get a grande cup of Vanno.. mango, orange, banana, with extra matcha Green tea hahahah

And also.. "STUDYING" a little bit... hahaha notice!! Studying.. ladies and gentleman

Well.. I sucesfully understood it... (phew.. finally)

then.. the journey was continue...

The choir was awesome.. the sundays at 7 also awesome!!

However... what I have done, has something bigger that I could imagine, even there were several "heart breaking" which I wasn't supposed to tell.. in the end, I felt more joy that I could expect. Although, I didn't feel the magic that I got when I was in retreat with the same gospel choir, I still had what they called joy.

Actually, it is not about the choir. Indeed, I wanna talk about the things after the choir.

In the end, piano can't be apart from me, Chendani Vianey Budhi... oh please.. I knew that I've been studying that particular thing since I was 4 years old!! ya ya ya.. I knew that I have to be gratefull as I have achieved so much things from this skill. Strangely, I am not feeling really great with this skill, but looks like it loves me and wants me to help others. Ahahahahaha

So, there was me, sitting on the corner of the chapel in front of the grand piano, kawai, and started to listen anybody in the choir singing and playing other instrument, so that I can follow them as one group, playing the harmony. It was awesome... I felt that I was in the other world. Blending with them for the reason that I couldn't tell. It seemed that we all have the connections. hahaha... It still worked even I wasn't really sure when we were practicing as I wasn't familiar with most of the songs, but when the mass started, I was able to blend with them and feeel soooooo gooood. Seems the magic of music working over there as when I felt for the Centennial mass in February. When all the universe seemed working in its way, making magic by the music... hahaha... it's incredible and unspeakable...

In conclusion, I was once singing then... playing.. ONCE AGAIN!! hohohohoho

First, when I was in MUDIKA (muda-mudi Katolik) the Indonesian Catholic youth group, I was asked to sing in the choir, then when they were out of pianist, I was asked for the first time in my life to play for the mass..

and TADAAA!

I did it...

However... honestly, yesterday, it was me who said my self to be the pianist.. (ck ck ck ck)
as.. they were talking about there was no pianist for the night. hummm... so I thought that if I have done it before, why I didn't do it once again?

then... yes.. I did it..

I just got chance to learn everything for just 3 hours. Oh my oh my.. hahaha

But, I am happy, as everybody told me that I was good and got hugs from everybody. When comes the peace be with you... Everyone was giving me a warm hug... and one of them whispering to me.. "you did a great job" rrr.... feeling ssooooo gooood... hohohohohohoho

Then... after mass... I got the hug from the same person...

"you did a great job..." he said that while approaching me to hug... oooo sooo sweeet... hahahahhahaah

That particular thing... has made my heart smiliiing sooo bright....though... I was feeling so exhausted!!!

Then... today..
I had in-class essay.. wew... a bit frustrated... I hope I did well... and I was worried for days about my out-class essay.
but.. phew... I got well...

That has made my day brighter...

However... TOmorrow.. will be scary.. I don't know how to handle..
I have math quiz with a bunch of homeworks due.. and now my brain is shut down!!! arrrgghhh...

and... also.. I have psychology test...

huaaaaaaaa......

chaos!!!hauhauahuahuahuahua

soo... I finish this.. and then.. start to finish my study.. and perhaps do a little bit more of my homework...